Sunday, November 20, 2011

What Do You Mean You Never Wanted Triplets? How Can You Say That Now?

I never wanted triplets. There. I said the ugly truth. In case you missed it the first time, I'll say it again. I never wanted triplets. Some of you may have gasped when I said that. But notice I did not say "I do not love my children." Or "I wish I didn't have triplets."  Those statements are very different from my first.

I do love my children. And I love being a mother of triplets. I feel extremely blessed that God has entrusted me with so precious a gift. But I did not choose it, and I don't feel guilty for admitting that.

At the same time, I think if you want triplets, you are out of your ever loving mind. No, that isn't entirely true. A lot of the women I encounter have no inkling of what my life is like. I am not saying it is more difficult than theirs, mind you, just different.

They see my healthy miracles at almost 15 months old and have no idea what we went through to get where we are today. They don't know it took 9 months and several rounds of powerful fertility drugs to even get pregnant. They don't know I developed gestational diabetes and Bells palsy, and was on hospital bedrest for the last week of my pregnancy, which ended way too soon at just over 31 weeks.  They didn't feel the fear of holding a newborn who was barely 3 lbs, or experience the agony of not being able to hold their son for nearly a week, or their daughter for 19 heart-wrenching days. Most people have no clue what the journey through the NICU is all about. And for that, I praise God.

These are just some of the trials that our family faced in the beginning of our children's lives. Do I wish things were different? Absolutely not. But I didn't choose them either.

Women need to understand that how they feel about their pregnancy does not necessarily have any correlation to how they feel about their child or children. Not every woman has that "pregnancy glow". And not every woman enjoys being pregnant.

Discomfort in pregnancy and childbirth is part of the consequences of original sin. God tells Eve (and all of us) in Genesis 3:16, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing, with pain you will give birth to your children." It isn't supposed to feel good. And it is okay to admit that. It is okay to say you don't like being pregnant, at least not all the time. It's okay to say you are uncomfortable. In fact, if more women expressed these feelings, maybe it wouldn't be so taboo.

Part of me wants to apologize for ruffling anyone's feathers, but honestly, I don't think that would be such a bad thing. If what I said made you uncomfortable, I'm glad it made you feel something. I just pray you don't let it stop there. Ask God to search your heart, to reveal to you the real cause of the discomfort and hopefully, you will learn something new about God. Just maybe, you'll learn something about yourself too.

Friday, November 4, 2011

The Paradox of Romans 7:18-20

 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

Those verses both comfort me and frighten me. As a new creation in Christ, I should be able to "put to death whatever belongs to [my] earthly nature" (Col. 3:5.

I know getting up early and exercising is good for me on many levels. It provides stress release and it is also helping me take care of my body, the temple God has entrusted me with (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Yet, I don't feel like leaving the warmth of my bed when the alarm rings. I know that spending time planning and preparing healthy meals for me and my family is good for all of us, yet watching TV can be SO tempting. I tell myself that I "just don't have the time" to do these things, but that is a lie. I find time to do a lot of things that I want to do. Play video games occasionally, read a book, watch TV. 

I am constantly reminded that I cannot do it on my own, and I don't think that is a bad thing, necessarily. We are told in 2 Corinthians 12:18 that  “[His] grace is sufficient for [us], for [His] power is made perfect in weakness.”

So why is it so hard to just do the things we know are right? Why do we keep doing the things we know aren't? I wish I had the answers. Preview