Not Just Another Hat

Woman
Wife
Lover
Mother
Daughter
Sister
Friend
Homemaker
Breadwinner
Cook
Maid
Chauffeur.

The list could go on and on. What else would you add to this list of all the things we do? As women, we wear many hats. Most of us are unusually adept at multitasking, meaning we juggle many hats at once.

Unfortunately, we tend to think of "child of God" as just another hat we wear. But that, my dear friend, is a grave mistake. You see, "child of God" is not just another hat, but it is what we are supposed to hang all our other hats on. It is the foundation of our very identity.

Our identity is not found in how wonderful of a homemaker we may be (or may not be). It isn't in how well behaved our children are (or aren't.) It isn't in how well we juggle every responsibility we have. It is in how much our Heavenly Father loves us- and what He was willing to sacrifice in order to reconcile us to Him.

When we recognize who we were before He saved us, when we recognize what price He paid to give us the gift of Grace- it is easier to remember what our foundation really should be.

Not my will, but yours...

I was thinking tonight about all the things I have missed out on because of having triplets. Don't get me wrong- I love my kids, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. But there are times when I find myself longing and grieving for the things I missed out on. Like a full-term pregnancy, being able to bring your baby home with you from the hospital, etc. Things most expectant moms take for granted.


I also realized tonight that I may never be pregnant again. I may never have a new baby in house. I may never get to do that again. And part of me is glad about some of what that means. I mean, who really looks forward to those sleepless nights? And the vain part of me is really proud of being so close to my weight loss goal. But there is another part of me that mourns that. 


I think it is the loss of expectation that bothers me the most. We expect things to go a certain way, and when they don't go as planned, we need to come up with another plan. But that doesn't mean we are happy about it. 


All this got me thinking about the verse in Luke, chapter 22.  “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” 


Jesus really does understand everything we go through. Alright, He never specifically had triplets and mourned the possibility of never having more children. If you think He doesn't understand the feelings behind that- you are wrong.


He didn't want to go through what He endured on the cross, and the journey to Calvary. Nobody would desire to go through that. But He put His will aside, and was obedient to God. 


This made me see Christ in a whole new light. It never had occurred to me that He didn't want to do it, but He did anyway. I wonder what the human side of Him desired. Marriage? Children, perhaps? A "normal" life? Yet, He sacrificed all of that because He loved us so much and was obedient to His father. 


It makes me want to obey Him more. It makes me wonder why I'm not living the way I should. It puts the lost expectations into perspective. It still hurts, but if the purpose of this life is to become more like Jesus- than maybe a little hurting is necessary. He hurt an awful lot for us; it seems wrong that we refuse to be even just a little uncomfortable for Him. 


"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you fall into trials of many kinds, because we know that the testing of our faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it's work, so you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4


God allows uncomfortable situations to come into our lives, not to hurt us Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" but to give us the opportunity for our faith to grow. 


And I have to accept that. I may not like what He has planned. I may want something different for myself and for my family. But I also know that He knows best. In short- I am trying to live out that verse in Luke. "Not my will, but yours, be done." 

To Those Of You Who Think I'm Supermom...

While I truly appreciate the thought behind people calling me Supermom, I must admit- it is starting to bother me. What prompted this now?  Some very well intentioned people I know were giving me way too much credit for how I handle my kids and situations I face raising them.

When you call me “supermom” it puts tremendous pressure on me. A supermom should be able to handle it all. And I can't handle it all. I can't do this on my own. I'm not Supermom. I don’t have it all together. In fact- most of the time, I am flying by the seat of my pants. I know it may look like I’ve got it all together from the outside, but that is mostly because I have become very good at hiding the anxiety and insecurity I feel. It takes a whole lot of positive self talk not to compare myself to other moms and my kids to other people’s kids. I know in my head I shouldn’t, but I still have to calm that tendency every day. I often question whether I am doing things right or why some people’s children are doing this or that when mine aren’t. It is a daily struggle.  

Also, people who are meeting me now don’t know about all the trials in my life that have prepared me for this. The road to where we are now has not been the easiest. It has been worth it, but the things I have gone through, the pain I have suffered and the fact that God has been faithful throughout it all- as promised- has helped me grow to the place I am now. It didn’t “just happen”. Every experience in my past has happened so that I have what I need for the present, and what I am experiencing now is happening to prepare me for the future.

But more importantly than any of that, calling me Supermom takes away from the glory of the Super God I serve.  From the recognition He deserves for giving me the strength I need to take care of my children. Sure, I have a wonderfully supportive husband and an amazing support system of family and friends who I could not function without. And for that I am thankful beyond words. But ultimately, God is the one who put these people in my life. God is the one who should be getting all the praise, not me. He has given me the grace, the patience, the strength, the love, and the desire to take care of my darling babies. I love them more than anything, aside from my Heavenly Father and my husband.. I wouldn't trade any of this for anything this world has to offer.

 So please, the next time you feel the urge to call me (or any other mother) Supermom, take a minute, give recognition to the One who deserves it, and find some other way to express your admiration. 

The Power of Choices, Forgiveness and Love

 “I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins.” Is. 43:25

Does anyone else find this extremely comforting? The Lord of Heaven and Earth, who created everything, has chosen to forget the sins we commit, when we confess and repent of them. That almost leaves me speechless. I cannot express how that makes me feel, but gratitude is only the beginning.

My past is less than perfect. A history of abuse led me to make some poor choices that I know now were an understandable reaction to what happened to me as a child. For years, I carried around that guilt. Not the guilt of the abuse. I knew that wasn’t my fault. But my choices afterwards- I made them. I had to own them. Many of those decisions were the “lesser of two evils” so to speak, but I still chose to make them.

Last night, I had an epiphany. An “aha” moment, if you will. Honestly, it was more of a “DUH” moment, but it was so much more than that. I realized I’m forgiven. My past is erased. I no longer need to carry around the guilt and shame of the bad things that have happened to me or the choices I have made. I realized that God is bigger than my past. And His love covers it all.

Don’t think for a minute that it “just so happened” that last night was the night He chose to deliver me from all that pain. God planned it to happen through a friend of mine who gave me a life-changing book. Praying God’s Word by Beth Moore. Something special happens when you pray to God using the Scripture. I can’t describe it. But if you haven’t read that book, I urge you to get it and use it as part of your devotional time.

I have been a Christian for many years. In my head, I knew Jesus had saved me. I knew God had forgiven me for my sins. But honestly, I didn’t really know it. And what is worse- I didn’t know that I didn’t know it until last night. Then, bam! It hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I knew from the time I was saved at 13 that all my sins were wiped away by Jesus dying on the cross and rising again. But I guess I never really gave some experiences up to God. I hung onto them, for one reason or another. They had a stronghold on me that spilled into my marriage, my parenting, and my life. Not anymore.

I made the conscious decision to live like I believe what I know is true. I am no longer guilty of those transgressions. I have been forgiven and I don’t need to carry them around anymore. God has forgotten them.  I don’t know if I ever will truly forget them, but I can choose not to let them control me. It might be a conscious decision I have to make every day- but I would rather make the choice every morning, fully knowing that the only reason I have peace is through the grace and mercy of a Father who loves me. He LOVES me. The Master of the Universe. The One who keeps the world in balance and knows the stars by name. He is so much more than that. I am His daughter. He is my Father. He loves me.

And He loves you too.