Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Soup for the Soul (or should it be coke for the soul?)

Last Saturday, the ladies at my church had their annual Soup for the Soul luncheon. For those of you not familiar with this, it is a time when a bunch of ladies get together for fellowship, fun and food!

This year’s theme was Having an Attitude of Gratitude. Because I am friends with the organizers of this event, I got sucked into the skit. Okay, well, maybe not sucked in. I did enjoy it. But being in a skit in front of a lot of people is definitely out of my box. But anyway, I agreed. I was asked which person I wanted to be. I told them it didn’t matter to me. So I was told I was “the third person entering that isn’t Jesus.” Okay. I can do that. So I went home and watched the skit. Here it is so you can watch it too, if you want. 

Unbeknownst to the organizers of this event, I have been struggling with the issue of gratitude. Several of my friends who have babies around the same age as my precious lil ones are either planning to, trying to or are already on their way to having another baby. And while part of me is happy for them, part of me is envious, jealous that I probably will never experience that again. It makes me think of all the things I’ve missed out on as a mom of preemies, things that most moms take for granted. Little things like actually being able to take your baby home with you when you leave the hospital. Or experiencing the third trimester. Or things that I know seem trivial in the grand scheme of things, like getting a cute travel system, or being able to decorate a nursery. And on top of struggling with all of these, I feel guilty about feeling like that at all because I should be grateful for what I have.

God really is so good. If you have watched the skit, you will notice that my character (the third person to come in that isn’t Jesus) is thankful for what she receives. Not only is she not bitter when someone gets more than she does, she is excited for that person. I want to be like her.

I wish I can say that doing that skit magically changed my thinking and that I no longer feel like I missed out on something, but I do have to say that whenever those thoughts creep into my head, I remember 2 Corinthians 10:5 “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” I know now that those thoughts telling me “You missed out on something.” “You deserve more than this.” “God is giving other people more than He is giving you.” Thoughts like that, they are not from God. They are lies that Satan is telling me.

Now, I’m not someone who blames Satan when every little thing goes wrong. But I am well aware that we, as Christians, are under his attack; he wants us to feel deprived; he wants us to be angry with God.

Well, I’m not going to believe his lies anymore. I am making a conscious choice to be thankful for my children and happy for my friends who are expanding their families. It’s not going to be easy, but this life isn’t supposed to be. 

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